People don't act this way just for kicks, you know. Do you think I want to blow up at work? Do you think I like overreacting? I see the way people look at me, they just think I'm a loser with an attitude problem. And they're right.. why would anyone want to get to know more about me when I treat people like shit all the time.
It's called depression, man. A whole lot of crap has gone down in the past year or so, and this one last thing? It just put me right over the edge. You think I'm an asshole for no reason, but you have no idea how much I hurt all the time. You wanna know? Here's the truth.
Shattered
I am crushed
Closing down
The pain is almost unimaginable
I trusted so hesitantly
Having a long memory
And plenty of scars from being burned before
But my openness was invited
Welcomed with a gentleness and understanding
I had not expected to find
Then trust was returned
Sharing from hidden places deep inside
Words we had never spoken out loud
This transparency
Being real
A depth I had never imagined
On this new foundation
Plans were made
We even started talking about
Forever
Suddenly
I am shattered like falling glass
Rejected
A door slammed shut in my face
Our forever?
Obliterated in one conversation
And I am ruined
Absolutely destroyed
My trust completely compromised
I feel betrayed
Exploited
Disposable
I am laid to waste
Living my worst nightmare
Everything is gone.
I am gone.
The pain is too intense
I am locking down.
I will be
Impenetrable
This week's assignment was to think of someone - it could be a fictional character, a public figure, someone you know - who gets under your skin, and write a piece from his or her perspective.
Author's note: The intro to the poem is fiction, based on a few people I have known in real life who seem abrasive. The poem is inspired by pain entrusted to me in conversation after a friend's recent breakup.
Posts
Feels very real, and a little to familiar for comfort.
ReplyDeleteWow! I have very little tolerance for people who treat others that way - no matter what personal issues they may be dealing with, so I'm quite impressed you could write so eloquently from their perspective.
ReplyDeleteThis is excellent. So good.
ReplyDeleteYou so perfectly describe someone I have worked with. And then you humbled me by expressing their pain. It's beautifully poetic.
ReplyDeleteExcellent job.
Wow, this one was painful for me. You could have been describing my ex-husband. As the other person in the relationship, you can only take so much from a person like that, because in my experience, their hatred turns outward. Even so, I know there is pain when the relationship ends. What a powerful piece.
ReplyDeleteI could feel the pain in this post. A bad breakup can really leave permanent scars. I also liked how the intro seemed to be more of a journal entry (at least in my mind). It allowed the reader to really get into the head of the person.
ReplyDeleteThe words "I am laid to waste" REALLY struck me for some reason. This is so painful. And straight from the depths of the heart. Well done my friend.
ReplyDeleteMatt: thanks for coming by and commenting!
ReplyDeleteKara: I know people like this, and for me, it was only if I really watched their eyes, and could see what sorts of things provoked their angry outbursts, that I could tell their attitude was fueled by pain.
TJ: Thank you for coming by to read. I enjoy the emotional honesty you put forth on your blog, and it inspires me to be more trusting with writing out the dark stuff too. When I am, I find I connect more strongly with my readers.
Mamatrack: sometimes it sucks to find compassion for those that it's easy to judge because of the way they treat others. You almost hate that they are human, too. It's easy to forget.
Sonora: Im sorry it was painful, and I can totally appreciate why. I tried not to think about mine when writing the poem too.
Stacey: Thank you for reading, and commenting, I was trying to get the depth across, and make people stop to think about someone they knew.
Elaine: thanks for commenting. It was painful to write. Even though it was on behalf of a friend, I could write about it because I have been in this kind of pain from this kind of broken trust.
Let me say what I really enjoyed about your writing. It's a very creative way to tell a story visually. I loved how you started with the paragraphs and moved into three lines, then two, then one but came back again.
ReplyDeleteThe story is also well done. You made see this type of personality in a different way.
Well written story:~)
I love that you wrote about this common yet still stigmatic condition. It is very powerful and blunt. Great writing and sorry for your hurt.
ReplyDeleteWow. Heartbreaking and insightful.
ReplyDeleteI've not had that deep depression. But there are days I want to explode. And you described it perfectly.
Very well written.
Wow! In the intro I didn't want to like this person at all, and then the rest made me ache for them. Well done.
ReplyDeleteSara: thanks for stopping by and reading, I'm glad it opened your eyes a little :
ReplyDeleteKim: thanks, I appreciate the kind words and the feedback!
Renee: I am glad to have connected with you, thanks for reading and commenting!
Two Normal Moms: Having compassion despite the way you're being treated can be a real delicate balance. I can imagine getting this sort of window into a person's head, and then continuing to have to deal with their abrasiveness.. I don't know if I would easily forget this glimpse, or if it would affect how I saw them after that. And I think it depends on the person, too.
What a powerful piece of poetry and a reminder that we can never know what is really happening in someone else's head.
ReplyDeleteI felt her bottom falling out from under her, and I want to forgive her for being so tense and angry.
Wow. Such strong writing.
ReplyDeleteHaving dealt with friends who suffer from depression, this piece brought their experiences back for me. I remember my lack of compassion for them because of how rude and abrasive each were at times, until I got to know each of them better and what was going on inside of their head. Though I was still hurting from their treatment of me, I was more compassionate because I then understood.
This is my first time here. So glad I stopped by! Visiting from TRDC.
I really liked the opening glimpse of perspective on the 'asshole's' life.
ReplyDeleteIt reminds me of an older man who was always incredibly rude and abrupt. I discovered he suffered from a condition that left him with constant nausea. It was such an eye-opening moment. We never know what people are dealing with.
The poetry was powerful, too.
I'm not certain I love the opening and the poem together though. I found it took me out of the piece a bit. Maybe describing the emotions in the poem but carried on in the opening voice might have been more powerful.
A very emotional piece. I instantly thought of a friend from High School whose updates are always these horrible rants about how terrible his life is. I feel bad that he has been hurt in his life, but... he's still an asshole.
ReplyDeleteThe poem was beautiful. Very well chosen words.
I love the line, "here's the truth." It summed everything up, the rawness of the feelings.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I wish I could say, "here's the truth" and share my true feelings.
What you wrote is wonderful and sad at the same time. I feel like I can commiserate with the person, and understand those on the other end...
Tremendous.
Excellent! Gosh I think we've all worked with someone like this at some point. It's sad.
ReplyDeleteI love how you you channeled the anger of your character into a poem. It must be very hard to write a poem based on thoughts other than your own!
ReplyDeleteIt is a very powerful and intense piece. Very good job. I like it. A lot.
ReplyDeleteWhat an insightful poem. I loved how you started with the intro and then wove the anger and loss together. As a person who finds it far easier to be angry than to show sadness, this resonated.
ReplyDeleteYes yes! People don't understand how awful that we feel internally and how hard it is to keep it there. We don't intent on hurting others and if we could control it we would. Beautiful and powerful poem. Love.
ReplyDeleteIt reminds me of the couple of people I have known that just seem to be so embittered by life. I like the way you presented it in poem format. It flowed nicely.
ReplyDeleteI remember the pain of a breakup, and how it seemed like the sky would never be blue again:)
ReplyDeleteThis really was great writing-you captured the crushing cloud of depression well.
Well done!!!
Angela: Thank you for your kind words. I was hoping to get exactly that across.
ReplyDeleteMelanie: Thank you, and I have been in this place too: "Though I was still hurting from their treatment of me, I was more compassionate because I then understood." I am glad you stopped by too!
Angie: thank you for your comment, and your concrit as well. If I had not been so spontaneous with the response to this prompt, and had through it through better, I might have set up a scene where there was a conversation happening between the opening voice and another person. Maybe some direct question by a co-worker about why they are so mean all the time, or that a co-worker noticed something besides anger and inquired in a more gentle, inviting manner. I know there is a real switch between the defensive opening voice and the sensitivity and admission of pain in the poem. I wrote the poem Monday night after a conversation with a friend, and woke up Tuesday morning deciding I wanted to work it into the response to the prompt. I threw the opening voice intro up, just stream of consciousness, in about two minutes. It's just what came out that day. But it's good thought for me to to consider next time I try something like this.
Amy Beth: Thank you for coming by and commenting, I appreciate your kind words.
ReplyDeleteSarah: thank you! I do seem to be able to write raw and sad very easily. Not sure what that says about me. But I'm glad you thought it was wonderful, too.
Ilana: thank you for coming by and commenting! I have only written one other poem, this same sort of heavily emotional catharsis, that was on behalf of someone else and not from my own personal pain at that time. My hope in those cases are that I have been able to give voice to their pain and do something to ease it a little bit. I might need to ask the person questions so I can more accurately describe the situation.. but this particular poem had several direct quotes from my conversation with my friend. I had to fill in and expound, but I got trusted with a lot of heavy emotional words. So humbled when I have a chance to listen like that.
tsonodablog: thank you for your comment. I have worked with a lot of people like this, and I knew several people in high school like this as well.
ReplyDeletePatty Ann: thank you. I appreciate hearing that my writing comes across to you that way.
Heidi: I find it easier to be angry than sad too. Often as I am processing pain, I have to get out of the pure rage part before I can even really identify the pain under it. I tend to respond in a fairly primal emotional way to being hurt. Loads of self preservation involved, not so much logic.
Kimberly: I understand. I have only in the last year really understood the opening voice in this poem. I was so numb for a long time that I didn't even realize I was pushing people away from me in my rage and unapproachable-ness. I had no idea that I was completely devoid of emotional intimacy with another human being because of how cold I had become.
ReplyDeleteEmotional debt is a scary thing.. you cant control your emotional reactions, there's nowhere to shove any bad feelings. You push people away unintentionally in anger, isolating yourself even more. It breaks my heart thinking about the people I know who live behind this barricade all the time.
Kristy: I agree, we all know bitter people like this, and thanks for your compliment on the flow!
You did a nice job conveying the emotion and motivation behind the person's actions and abrasivness. A bad breakup can be so corrosive!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by my place. I appreciate your sweet comment. I LOVE this post. It grabbed me from the moment I laid eyes on it. You get people in pain. I've been there before and praise God it isn't where I live.
ReplyDeleteSo emotional. I am convinced that a breakup can be the hardest thing in a life. So many loose ends. Such betrayal and hurt. You feel torn in half.
ReplyDeleteWell done, for all the comments listed above.
WOW! Thanks for stopping by Writing with Debra. Look for another snippet on Friday.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the way you intro'd with fiction and then moved to poetry. It could have been stilted, but, in this case, it was as flawless as a character in a musical introducing their song. LOVED it.
ReplyDeleteGirl...the depth is frightening. I love your strong use of words like: Disposable and Exploited. When one goes through such emotional pain...these two words sum it all up. Well...I wrote a blog too, but I was a jackass and didn't get it in on time. I would appreciate your feedback though. I love your critiques. Great job, Frellie Wellie!!!! ;)
ReplyDelete