Chick Fight

Have you ever had the cops called on you?

What was it for? Drunken and disorderly conduct? Streaking through campus during rush week? A loud fight with your cheating boyfriend?

See, that sounds perfectly understandable to me. I got the cops called on me at a community wide Women's Bible Study

Truth is stranger than fiction, isn't it?

We had finished Bible Study for the day, and I had brought my 3 younger kids outside. There is an enclosed play area, and it has a play structure and wood chips underneath. I was not paying attention to if there were any other moms in the play area, or how many kids were in there, but coming in and out of the fenced in play area is something I have done after bible study for the last 3 years. I was comfortable with leaving my kids in there with me nearby, talking to another mom and making lunch plans.

My toddler son decides he is going to make a move looking like he is going to walk off the curved rock wall, which is at an opening about 3 1/2 feet off the ground. A mom I did not know was in there (on her cell phone), and was yelling at him to stop.

I looked over, and the mom starts screaming almost hysterically, "Whose child is this? Why aren't you in here with your baby?"

She continues to harp, and I walk toward the fence. "I'm his mother." I replied, " You know, you could have said that in a nicer way!"

Maybe I needed the reminder to not be so far away, but her tone was pretty rude. I got nearer to her, and she continued to berate me.

"Thank you for saving my child from certain death," I said, sarcastically, as she continued to blather on about my negligence.

I came inside the gate and replied "I said thank you!" insistently, trying to get across to her that I was done with this conversation. Then I left the play area.

She decided to announce to me and anyone else within hearing distance that she was going to go in and talk to the Children's Program director, because I clearly wasn't getting the point about my responsibility to my children. She brought the children's director outside and talked to both of us about my negligence. The director didn't have much to say about it. At this point, I was concerned that she might think I had just left my toddler in there, and I told her I had 3 kids in there.

At that point, she got ugly: "Well maybe you have too many children to keep track of. Or maybe you think that if one gets brain damaged or killed you can just have another one!"

Whoa. Hold up. Did she actually just say that??

I was surprised that all that came out of my mouth was "I think your righteousness is just a bit too righteous for me today." In my head, I closed the area between us in about a stride and a half, and backhanded her while shouting obscenities.

But that would have been a poor choice in the Bible Study parking lot. Ah, restraint. At least I had some, can't say the same for her.

Since the Children's Program director was not doing or saying anything to satisfy this lady, she announced that she was going to call the cops. And she did. Loudly.

It is one thing to be nasty because you don't like the way someone is parenting their kid. He was under verbal control, he was not in peril, he was in familiar territory with other familiar children.... I think going in and talking to the director was taking it further than necessary.

But the cops? Really?

Several other moms were outside and in the playground area at this point, and had heard firsthand what was going on. They were shocked, and angry on my behalf. None of them were familiar with the crazy lady either. These moms all do the same things I do, come in and out of the area and by default watch each others kids, who all know each other and play there weekly. I reminded them to watch their kids closely lest this happen to them, not lacking sarcasm and a look of utter outrage.

As I walked my kids over to our van to wait for the cops, my older two were very concerned about the lady calling the cops. My older one was very defensive of my actions, and my middle one cried because she was afraid I was going to get taken to jail.

I waited for the cops. And fumed. And shot daggers at the crazy lady. And fumed some more.

I tried to reassure my children that I had done nothing wrong, and that the lady who called the cops was not a nice lady. In a matter of about 15 minutes, the police showed up.

Two female officers approached and spoke to the crazy lady. And then... she lied to them! AUGHHHH!

Again, in my head, I'm striding toward her, this time with the handle to the jack in my trunk, or an umbrella or some other object that will hush the nasty vitriole emanating from her.

"Oh, I'm so glad you're here! She just kept yelling at me, I was concerned that she might hurt me!" she wailed to the cops. Then she told them that my son almost fell to his death off the 3 ft tall play structure. (Since she alone saved him. All hail the supermom).

And then, THEN she claimed that after she asked whose child he was.. "She started screaming at me! I was concerned that she might threaten me physically! I was just worried about her children, and when she started getting angry, I felt like I needed to call the cops for my own protection!"

I seethed. I shot more daggers. In my head, I am pinning her neck with my knee against the brick retaining wall and shouting in her ear about how she is a lying, meddling whack job. In reality, I am calmly leaning back against my van, shaking my head listening to the amazing and untrue tale she is spinning.

They took her name and information. Which I memorized.

The officers approached me and asked my side of the story. I told what I remembered: "Her tone of voice sucked when she called out to me, and I spoke two sentences to her, sarcastically and calmly"

They asked me if I came at her in anger, touched her, or verbally assaulted her with yelling or cursing. I said no. I asked if she was going to file a report and if I needed to prepare for a home visit. The officers told me that as far as they knew, this was it, but would call me if the lady went further with it.

One of the officers said, "In this state, you are free to parent your child in any way you see fit. If you were satisfied with the level of supervision your child was getting from a distance, that is totally your business. I'm sure this is humiliating for the both of you to be involved in this."

I responded. "Well, I seriously doubt that this woman has any idea that it is humiliating right now, but yeah."

Then the officer told me I was free to go.

The crazy lady clearly did not get the justice that she thought the situation deserved, so I was concerned that she would call Child Protective Services, since she knew my name. I was also concerned that that if she actually came back to Bible Study that she would continue to berate me or start spreading gossip. I was not sure of my ability to continue being gracious. Turns out she never came back. But I know who she is, and I know to look out for her.

I've never been so publicly accused and embarrassed in my life. Just goes to show you that no matter where you go, there are people who think the way you parent your kids is incorrect.

Man, how about you screw up your kids your way, and I'll screw up my kids my way.

prompt: We're too old to be getting in trouble... aren't we? write about a time you were scolded... as an adult.

Author's Note: I have previously linked this to a fight scene prompt with TRDC. My apologies if you've heard this one before!