National Childhood Mental Health Awareness Day 2020

Today is National Childhood Mental Health Awareness Day. Children can and do struggle with mental illness.  The stories and statistics on divorce, child abuse,  poverty, and bullying are replete with examples of outward societal and cultural reasons why children might be struggling,  let alone chemical imbalances that might be at play.  Childhood mental illness is a real thing. I know because I struggled with it, and I’ve dealt with it as a parent to children with mental illness. 

I had a traumatic experience in late elementary school that, for a time, made me hyper sensitive and easily triggered.  I was briefly medicated with a placebo from my pediatrician, and my parents took my anxiety seriously after it began to affect my schoolwork.  Anxiety took a backseat to depression over the course of my adolescence, and anxiety and depression battled one another for dominance during my teenage years. 

I was a writer, so I wrote some angsty poetry and really long letters to my closest friends,  and I was involved in band and chorus. Those outlets provided me with camaraderie and validation, and a strange but reassuring sense of shared suffering, if I’m being honest.  Band and chorus kids don’t tend to have it easy, the jokes are not for nothing.  I’ve encouraged all my children to be involved in the arts precisely because it’s a tribe of people I felt safe with as I grew up, and I wanted the same for them. 

When my oldest daughter began to show signs of anxiety at a young age, it did not surprise me. I did the best I could to listen and be present, to validate and encourage her, but could not come to an agreement with her father on the subjects of therapy or medication. Middle school was incredibly difficult for her as a result, being very anxious as well as introverted. By the time she entered high school she was able to start therapy and was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and prescribed medication.  She continues to live with mental illness and does a lot of reading and research. She is a great advocate for herself and others. 

When my third daughter began developing some serious anxiety at the onset of puberty, this also did not surprise me. I did the best I could to provide her a safe place to talk and i worked hard to validate her feelings and experiences. She was able to open up and talk to her friends, and has also been in therapy as a middle schooler. 

I asked my oldest daughter if she had any words of advice for parents when speaking with their kids about mental illness, or if their child wants to talk to them about having big scary feelings. She said, “As you’re parenting, be open about mental health. Do not make it taboo in your family because there is enough stigma from society, do not let it be a source of shame.  If your kid comes to you about self-harm or panic attacks or suicidal ideation, take it seriously but most of all, do not make it about you. It is probably not about you or your fault or whatever. “

My third daughter had this to say: “If you are having a discussion with your child about being sad or depressed or anxious, be aware that they may hum or pop their knuckles or look in many other ways as if they are not paying attention when in fact they are probably dissociating because they are really scared to be having this conversation. Struggling with mental illness often affects grades. If a child is having trouble mentally it is very likely that their grades will slip, not because they are stupid or irresponsible but because they’re having trouble being motivated to do the work because of their brain.” 

You know your child. And if they seem out of sorts, try to be as available as you can for them to feel safe talking to you. 

I hope that in reading about real people like us that have struggled with mental illness during childhood, your perspective has broadened. And for those who have themselves experienced mental illness in childhood, I hope you feel understood and validated. Your feelings are definitely valid, and your experience and it’s impact on your life should never be minimized. 

Thanks for reading.